Saying good-bye for me was a very long, drawn out process. And far different from what I expected.
When we began telling people about our plans, our adventures, I have to admit, I loved seeing that flash of envy cross peoples' faces. Not because I want people to be envious of me, but because I know that I've worn that expression many times when friends or family have told me about one of their upcoming travel adventures. I think for me that look in some ways validated my decision and buoyed my confidence to actually take the leap. Since I knew that our risk had been very well calculated, it reinforced for me that these kinds of experiences are important for personal growth.
While we were telling people with feelings of great excitement and anticipation, I think many people started to say good-bye to us right away. So for some people, the good-byes were long and drawn out considering we decided in February and didn't leave until September! This often made things awkward and a little bit difficult.
On the humorous side, we could joke with people at Church, or acquaintances in town who we'd run into over the summer. They would often be surprised to see us, thinking we'd already left. So we would joke, "Nope, we haven't even left yet!" or "Can't get rid of us that easily!"
Then there were others who could only fixate on the thought of us being gone. In some cases, I think it overshadowed our last times together, because they could not focus on making the most of the time we had left. It was like the proverbial "elephant in the room" and it made a once normal and happy relationship awkward.
What's strangest of all to me is how relatively unaffected I was by the good-byes. Yes, there were tears, but never once did I have any inkling of regret about our decision and planned move. If anything, I felt guilty that I didn't feel any sadness about our departure. I spoke to friends about this - one who is here in Doha, and one who has lived abroad for many years now - and they reassured me that this was quite normal. Our friend in Doha, who is one of the kindest, most caring people I've ever met, was actually called a 'cold fish' by one of her friends. Meanwhile, my jet-setting friend has just experienced the opposite, whereby a good friend in her new home country moved away and she was the one being left behind. She agreed that it is much easier to be the one leaving, than the one left behind. I found some comfort in this.
I have to think that a lot of it has to do with the nature of the relationships I've developed with my friends and family. I'm blessed that many of the friends I have, have been friends for many years. We've been through a lot together already and a few thousand miles is nothing for our kind of friendship to endure. Becoming a parent has also had a huge impact on my friendships. Those that can withstand the demands of parenting and understand that you take what you can get when there are little people in the picture, they really are friends for life!
As for my family, it's just an unexpected shift in the nature of our relationship. Whereas I've always lived within a one hour travel radius of many members of my family, which meant frequent short visits, I now live many hours, miles and time zones away. In my mind this will just mean a shift to longer, more intensive visits that are spread out a little more (say, 10 months between). And technology certainly makes things a little easier, with Skype, email, and I'm sure before we go home, they will have invented that teleportation device that would come in so handy in many instances!
I guess good-byes were easier on me because there were very few true good-byes, there were just a whole lot of farewells. And like I've been trying to teach my kids, your friends are your friends for life. Moving to a new country doesn't mean losing friends, it means gaining friends that will result in a global network of friends. Good friends never really say good-bye.
When we began telling people about our plans, our adventures, I have to admit, I loved seeing that flash of envy cross peoples' faces. Not because I want people to be envious of me, but because I know that I've worn that expression many times when friends or family have told me about one of their upcoming travel adventures. I think for me that look in some ways validated my decision and buoyed my confidence to actually take the leap. Since I knew that our risk had been very well calculated, it reinforced for me that these kinds of experiences are important for personal growth.
While we were telling people with feelings of great excitement and anticipation, I think many people started to say good-bye to us right away. So for some people, the good-byes were long and drawn out considering we decided in February and didn't leave until September! This often made things awkward and a little bit difficult.
On the humorous side, we could joke with people at Church, or acquaintances in town who we'd run into over the summer. They would often be surprised to see us, thinking we'd already left. So we would joke, "Nope, we haven't even left yet!" or "Can't get rid of us that easily!"
Then there were others who could only fixate on the thought of us being gone. In some cases, I think it overshadowed our last times together, because they could not focus on making the most of the time we had left. It was like the proverbial "elephant in the room" and it made a once normal and happy relationship awkward.
What's strangest of all to me is how relatively unaffected I was by the good-byes. Yes, there were tears, but never once did I have any inkling of regret about our decision and planned move. If anything, I felt guilty that I didn't feel any sadness about our departure. I spoke to friends about this - one who is here in Doha, and one who has lived abroad for many years now - and they reassured me that this was quite normal. Our friend in Doha, who is one of the kindest, most caring people I've ever met, was actually called a 'cold fish' by one of her friends. Meanwhile, my jet-setting friend has just experienced the opposite, whereby a good friend in her new home country moved away and she was the one being left behind. She agreed that it is much easier to be the one leaving, than the one left behind. I found some comfort in this.
I have to think that a lot of it has to do with the nature of the relationships I've developed with my friends and family. I'm blessed that many of the friends I have, have been friends for many years. We've been through a lot together already and a few thousand miles is nothing for our kind of friendship to endure. Becoming a parent has also had a huge impact on my friendships. Those that can withstand the demands of parenting and understand that you take what you can get when there are little people in the picture, they really are friends for life!
As for my family, it's just an unexpected shift in the nature of our relationship. Whereas I've always lived within a one hour travel radius of many members of my family, which meant frequent short visits, I now live many hours, miles and time zones away. In my mind this will just mean a shift to longer, more intensive visits that are spread out a little more (say, 10 months between). And technology certainly makes things a little easier, with Skype, email, and I'm sure before we go home, they will have invented that teleportation device that would come in so handy in many instances!
I guess good-byes were easier on me because there were very few true good-byes, there were just a whole lot of farewells. And like I've been trying to teach my kids, your friends are your friends for life. Moving to a new country doesn't mean losing friends, it means gaining friends that will result in a global network of friends. Good friends never really say good-bye.
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